We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
