He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
