It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
