is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
