he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
