Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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