I looked at my own cervix.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ladies don't puke and tell
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
