Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
