p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
