God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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