8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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