Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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