i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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