you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
