I'm jealous of your bromance
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
