recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
