Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
