Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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