i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
