Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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