Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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