Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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