I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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