I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
