my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
