some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
