I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
