what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
