okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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