I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
