In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
