my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
