The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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