Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
