First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
