Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
