just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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