Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
