ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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