Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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