y did u give ur computer a hand job?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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