I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
