you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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