sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
