I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
