we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
