Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
