I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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