Yo dont text me then not text me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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