I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
