I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
there is glitter all over my balls
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