So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The air was thick with penises
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
