Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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