Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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