i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
