I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
