i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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