Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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