I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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