tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
His nipple licking is glorious
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