yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
