I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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