this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
