it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
