He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
