Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Terrible idea I love it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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